When the Universe Refuses to Cooperate: Radical Acceptance as an Approach to Stress
.When life serves up a stressful, spicy mess, radical acceptance may help soothe the system.
DISTRESS-TOLERANCE TOOLS
I don’t take this to mean that every source of stress is imaginary, self-created or within our control. Pain, loss, danger and relentless demands are real. But Rao’s proposition made me consider how much additional stress I create by arguing internally with what has already happened.
As a thought experiment, it held value for me. At the end of the day, just like hypnosis, we can accept or reject ideas as we see fit.
So I wondered: were my expectations of others to do the right thing by me causing me undue stress?
A messy kitchen, long delays and close calls certainly felt stressful to me. I could carry that tension for the rest of my day.
Did I really want that?
My honest answer was no. I did not. It felt bad.
As a therapist, I often encourage clients to identify their signals of stress. Knowing the signs can help us make better choices. So, when I say it “felt bad,” I mean that I felt tight in the chest, jumpy yet exhausted.
I’m all for identifying a problem. Even better when part of the problem sits within my influence, because then I can do something about it.
I also like to balance the scales with solutions—turning problems into challenges and looking for ways forward.
What soothing solution could counter this zesty dish of the universe not cooperating?
Radical acceptance
Radical acceptance is a distress-tolerance skill taught within Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. It involves acknowledging the reality of a situation without judgement, without fighting what has already happened and without attempting to control what cannot be controlled.
It is not denial.
It asks us to acknowledge reality as it currently stands—including the pain we feel, the events that have occurred and the choices other people have made.
It is not approval.
We don’t have to like what has happened, agree with it or pretend that it is acceptable. Radical acceptance simply invites us to stop arguing internally with the fact that it has happened.
Pain is an inevitable part of life. Radical acceptance suggests that we can create further suffering through our resistance to seeing things as they truly are.
If we can cultivate a mindset that leans towards acceptance, even when the situation is far from ideal, we may find a certain neutrality. The spice of stress is balanced by the balm of acceptance.
We step back into the realm of what we can control. When we operate from the present rather than from reactivity, we can make clearer decisions.
We unstick ourselves. Acceptance does not require surrender or resignation to harmful or unliveable circumstances. From a steadier position, we can re-establish healthy boundaries, decide what needs to change and choose where our energy goes. That can be very liberating.
Sometimes these concepts are more easily understood than practised. An idea can remain an idea without ever being field-tested in real life.
I believe in putting useful ideas to the test—in converting knowing into doing. So, I have created a short hypnosis to help you practise letting go of resistance and settling some of the remaining tension.
If you have a little spare time, find somewhere safe and comfortable where you can close your eyes and turn your attention inward.
Please do not listen while driving or whenever your full attention is required elsewhere.
Listen to the radical acceptance hypnosis below.
What if some of the stress we experience comes not only from what has happened, but from our insistence that it should not have happened the way it did—or at all?
Children precariously balancing stacks of dirty dishes and cutlery in the sink, blinded to the empty dishwasher right in front of them.
A dishearteningly slow commute home as roadworks disrupt peak-hour traffic.
A distracted motorist causing traffic mayhem, seemingly unaware of the close calls and near misses left in their wake.
Isn’t anyone paying attention to what’s going on?
When I first heard the following quote from Dr Srikumar Rao, I found it a little difficult to digest:
“The only reason you experience stress in your life is that you have a rigid view of the way the world should be and the universe is not cooperating with you.”
—Dr Srikumar Rao, in an interview with The Economic Times
Prefer to listen on YouTube?
Open the radical acceptance hypnosis on YouTube ->
This article and accompanying hypnosis are provided for general information and wellbeing purposes only. They are not a substitute for personalised medical, psychological or mental health advice, diagnosis or treatment.
© Your Mind Redesigned 2026
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