Why ‘just relax’ doesn’t work (and what to do instead)

One of the most interesting things I noticed working with clients is how often the word “relax” falls flat.

Sometimes it’s met with a laugh, because the concept seems unattainable.

And to be fair, that makes sense.

Because if it were that simple, they wouldn’t be there.

For a busy mind, being told to relax can actually increase effort.

Now the goal becomes:

stop thinking

relax

fall asleep

Over time, this reduces the pressure the mind feels to keep holding everything.

And that creates space for something else.

👉 Try this tonight (2 minutes)

Before bed, take a pen and paper.

Write down:

• Everything your mind is trying to hold onto

• Anything you don’t want to forget

• Anything unresolved from today

• Anything that needs your attention tomorrow

Then place it somewhere you can revisit tomorrow, and leave it for now.

This is one small part of a broader structure that helps the mind switch off more reliably.

And suddenly, sleep has turned into a task.

Which tends to push it further away.

So instead of trying to shut the mind down, the approach shifts.

The mind is given something to follow.

A structure. A sequence. A process.

Not less activity — but directed activity.

One of the most effective tools here is simple:

writing.

Taking a few minutes at the end of the day to offload what’s been carried.

Not just talking it out, but physically writing it down.

There’s something about the act of writing that helps organise, process, and reduce the mental load.